Let's put this 'cleanliness' concept in perspective:
Is it important that we keep a spotless environment where visitors can eat off the floor? Do we want to teach our children, through our actions, that "keeping a spotless house is important and people should eat off floors"?
Chances are that the children are unable to keep our imaginary standard of cleanliness and by the time they are adults they have heard a million times how untidy and unclean they are!
Cleanliness and tidiness are never important for their own sake, don't get stressed over it.
We apply rules of hygiene, e.g.washing of hands, in order to prevent infections. However, toddlers have been known to pick things up off the floor and stick it in their mouth, but they have not keeled over and died. So a bit of 'un-hygiene' doesn't seem to do much harm.
Tidiness is not hygiene. It's often used as a social concept and 'measurement' by which people judge each other.
Don't take what other people say as gospel and you have no problem. Did you know that our brain doesn't even work in a 'tidy' manner? It is all over the place and no two brains are the same, in fact when neurons all fire at the same time in the same rhythm you have a seizure.
Tidiness in our environment however, can have a purpose and be applied to one's advantage. How?
The brain does respond well to order. Therefore, routine (which relates to behaviour) and order (which relates to things) help the child in the same way landmarks help an adult to navigate his or her way through a landscape. Every family has their own way of doing this. Routine and order enhance predictability which in turn helps a child to feel safe, because he knows what is going to happen next.
It's as simple as that.
For that reason it's a good thing to set certain habits, e.g. reading a bed time story. Predictability of actions keeps the anxiety level low and everyone relaxed. To show a child how to tidy up has a similar effect. It is also an in-between-the-lines learning strategy:
- it helps a child to look at the world with intelligence, e.g. the Lego blocks go with the Lego blocks, the farm animals go with the farm animals, the shoes with the shoes...in other words, the child learns vocabulary and to categorize (which makes for more efficient thinking) while tidying up.
- to show a child that things have a place, e.g. in kitchens utensils have a place. This creates a more efficient work environment. Imagine how annoying it would be if we continuously have to look for things!
- to help set stable behaviour patterns, for an emotionally secure child can handle periods of chaos and return to equilibrium much better than one who grows up living on the edge of unpredictability and insecurity and with a lack of vocabulary to name what he senses and feels.
But, the most important thing you can do, something that needs no degree, no exercise in the gym, no anything, is to sit and talk or laugh and joke with your child or simply gaze at your child with adoring eyes when she's playing while you drink that cup of tea....the magic happens when your child looks up and catches your gaze......
It is this emotional connection that makes every little child feel that all is well with the whole world and being alive is great! Something jells in the heart and psyche, something to do with that sense of Self when one is seen, noticed by another person (especially your parent when you are little), who wants nothing from you but is so obviously happy you are here.....
2 comments:
lovely last paragraph. So true. Really enjoying your blog.
Thank you.
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